To My Three Children.
At first I was going to write to you individually, then I realized that this is more a team thing than anything. This Mother’s Day, though stupid in its origins, is important to me because you, Sam and Nate, are leaving. Perhaps not forever, but certainly not to a place where I can bring you an egg sandwich or ask you to go for a walk with Daisy and me.
There is no way, words don’t exist, for me to describe to you or explain to you how fantastic I think you all are. How amazed I am that you are my kids. How proud I am to be your mom. You are funny and smart and true of heart and so goddamned beautiful that it often feels like my heart is going to explode, I love you all so much.
We have been through so much together. I’m sorry for the heartache, the changes, the endings and beginnings. I hope our lives and the fact that your mom isn’t a regular mom have made you that much stronger and able to weather the storms your life will bring to you. If nothing else, I hope you have learned from me that life is unpredictable and also really amazing and full of grace. I hope you inherited my bottomless well of curiosity.
Sam, you didn’t want to come into this world. Were you lazy? Worried? Undecided? When you finally did arrive you had a cheering section. Even the doctor cried. You are hilarious, brave, a talented artist and a kind-hearted young man. I am in awe of you.
Nate, you glided into this world effortlessly. You have always been easy-going, unhurried, patient and true. You are an old soul and being near you makes everyone feel a sense of calm. I am in awe of you.
Coco, you got stuck on your way out of me. A bit of theatrics on your part, right from the start. You are clever, focused, relentless in your pursuit of whatever you are pursuing. You are also, like your brothers, warmhearted and funny and smart. I am in awe of you.
Thank you, Samuel Lemaire, Nathaniel Swift and Helen Cooper Hood, for making my life rich. In the movie, Lost in Translation, Bill Murray describes parenthood like this: “The day they are born is the most terrifying day of your life. Your life, as you know it, is over. But they grow up and they turn out to be the most interesting people you know, and you just want to be with them.”
Thank you for being my kids. Thank you for loving each other so much. Thank you for taking adversity and weaving it into a good life. Thank you for looking people in the eye when you shake their hand.
Sam and Nate, I am going to miss you every minute of every day, but I am so happy that you are taking your show on the road, heading to bigger skies and searching for some truth. Bring back good stories, please.
I love you three so very, very much.