I had my head hung low when I was out walking Daisy this morning. I was kind of overwhelmed with sadness, the way I am sometimes. Sometimes I know why — I am thinking about something or someone, and the sorrow comes. Sometimes I don't; it's just there. I cry a lot. I'm OK with that.
This morning I was thinking about a friend who is going through a difficult time. She is going through what I went through several years ago. I have this thing where I can feel other people's pain. Yesterday, all day, her name kept coming into my head and then I got a message from her late in the day. Something somewhere inside of me knew she was having a hard time, across the many miles.
It is one of the hardest parts of being me, that I absorb the pain of this world. And often I don't know where or how to let it go. But I'm learning. I'm sure there are tricks and techniques and I'll get there someday. Not today.
My head was hung low. I was thinking about my friend, about the hard times we face in life. I was thinking about my own life, the unanswered questions, the things that I am struggling with now in my own quest to become a more evolved person, the things that are weighing on my heart today.
Daisy stopped. She needed to pee. The sun was shining, the sky was blue. Sam was back at the house eating the bacon and eggs I had just cooked for him.
I stood still, waiting for Daisy.
Then I tilted my head up toward the sky and saw that the huge hedge in front of me was a lilac bush. And I saw that the lilacs were white. It was a complete surprise. It made me smile in the way a sweet little surprise does.
Like when I looked down while I was standing waiting for my salad last night, at the country store near Lake St. Catherine, and saw a little boy reaching his hands up to me, wanting me to pick him up. That kind of smile; that kind of surprise.
I pass that bush every day, several times on my walks with Daisy. I have noticed the purple and lavender lilacs blooming all over the place here up here on the hill, but I had not seen white ones until this morning.
And I would not have seen the white lilacs if I hadn't stood still for a moment and raised my sorrow-full head up, away from the muddy road beneath my feet.