Just to Keep Them Fed

The Hats

Every time I write about the hats people get mad. They're disappointed in me; they think I don't get it. They explain the purpose, send me links, talk about it over coffee after yoga. They're mad that I have spoken negatively of the hats.

It's OK. We all have things in this life we feel passionate about and we want everyone to understand the reason for our passion and our choices. We want everyone on our team, because, of course, we know it's a good team.

Please let the record reflect that I believe whole-heartedly in women and all that we stand for and all that we hope for. I have been poorly treated by men, paid less than men, afraid of men and disgusted by men. I have also been poorly treated by women, paid less than women, afraid of women and disgusted by women. I understand that, as women, in some ways, we are the underdog and we have things we need to fight for, but I also know that we are very, very strong. As women, we build other humans inside our very bodies and we endure child birth, sometimes more than once. We most certainly can and do bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.

Women outlive men; I have far more grieving wives than husbands on my hospice bereavement list. Women are intelligent, beautiful, wise, funny and built to last. Women will go to great lengths to protect their offspring.

One of my favorite songs is the little-known Queen Bee that Barbara Streisand sang in A Star is Born, and Coco and I sing it at the top of our lungs in the car a lot:


So, in conclusion, it's an optical illusion
If you think that we're the weaker race
Men got the muscle, but the ladies got the hustle
And the truth is staring in your face
The mother bear stalks, and the queen of the hawks
Is the one who brings home the bread.
The lion that is regal, and the bald headed eagle
Need a woman just to keep them fed.

In my lifetime I have sidled my way into worlds historically inhabited by men: the fire department, the ministry and journalism. I have found horrible men there and good men, supportive, nonjudgemental men.

It's not about the hats, for me. I didn't like them because I'm not a fan of the idea of wearing a knitted symbol of female genitalia on one's head. I believed that they detracted from something really important that was happening at the time, and that was that people, not just women, were coming together and working together and organizing together with the very palpable understanding that the time for change had come.

And times like those are crucial, there can be no squandering of resources because they don't come very often and they come and go quickly; we have a very short attention span.

To all who participated during that moment in time, I would ask some very important questions:

For what purpose were you marching? What did you feel needed to change?
What have you done with your own life since then to affect that change?

With. Your. Own. Life.

Listen, if the revolution is being represented by clown suits, if everyone is wearing bright red noses and green fuzzy hair when they protest, march and rally, that's fine; I'll move past my aversion to clowns. Wear whatever you want, I'll get over it eventually. It's not about what you have on your head or in your hands, it's about what you do with your life in response to your understanding of what needs to happen to make this world a better place. 

That's all; that's all I really care about. That and fixing what's broken and loving what's lonely and feeding what's hungry and helping what's scared. I draw back, way, way back from this world, I look at us from outer space and I don't see pink or blue, men or women, brown or yellow, rich or poor. I see people living in a broken and needy world, needing, more than anything, more than ever, each other. If we are a people who have the time and resources to knit and paint and to bus and to fly and to walk and yell then we are a people who have the time and the resources to do what needs to be done to make things better. 

And I pray, I pray with all of my heart that every single person who marched in any march or rallied in any rally since January 20, 2017 is working now to that end.